Grief doesn't wait for an ending. If you're caring for someone with a progressive illness, you may find yourself mourning losses long before the final one — the hobbies they've given up, the conversations that have changed, the future you'd imagined together. This is called anticipatory grief, and it's both real and common.

It isn't disloyal to grieve early

Some carers feel guilty for being sad "before" anything has happened. But grieving the changes as they come is a healthy response to loss. It doesn't mean you've given up, and it doesn't mean you love them any less.

Name what you're losing

Sometimes grief is easier to carry when you can see it clearly. Notice the small losses as they happen, and let yourself feel them. Writing things down, or talking to someone who understands, can stop the sadness from sitting as a weight you can't explain.

Protect a little time for yourself

Caring can swallow every hour. Even ten minutes a day that are yours — a walk, a cup of tea in silence, a phone call with a friend — is not selfish. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and the person you care for needs you to be well enough to be there.

Talk to people who get it

Support groups, online or in person, can be a lifeline. Hearing that others feel the same way can dissolve the loneliness that comes with caring. You don't have to explain yourself to people who've been there.

If the weight feels too heavy, your GP or a bereavement service can help. Asking for support is part of caring well — for them, and for you.